2 years into counting

I remember thinking, when I turned 25, that this is my "quarterlife." 2 years later I feel like the past 2 years have just passed me by. I think I've had my head down, trudging forward, as if pulling something heavy, perhaps myself, through this. I'm looking around now, I can see that I am older. But I think I may just be pulling myself on a treadmill, the ground beneath me spinning at whatever rate I walk, so that the scenery is always the same. I am so tired of this, yet there is no where I want to go. My family is up in arms, or rather their arms are up and crossed across their bodies, with the indignation and anger that I just won't pick something and go back to school. Go back to school? I try and explain that school connotes a tightrope walk with no safety harness and no net; a harrowing, horrible process through which I suffer and sweat. There is no grace when fear of death shows on the performers face. I pretended not to flounder through college, the whole experience felt like I was moments from my last breath. Months after graduating I would wake up in the middle of the night to escape the dream where I never finished my thesis. Academic work was like a black hole that would consume my energy and my time and it always seemed that no matter how much I put into it, it could still consume more.... Now what would motivate me to do something like that? Go back to an experience that brings out the worst of my problems, where I get to beat myself up because I can't seem to overcome a learning disability I don't really understand and add, and make the most of my brain? And on top of that, pay for this wonderful experience. No, I will not... maybe I'll think differently when I pay off the 25,000 that I owe for the degree that got me the job I could have had before college.